All that he wanted

Month 55

Dear Jonas,

What a big boy! You are now in preschool and you LIKE it. This makes mom so happy.

The first day was hard for both of us.  

I had butterflies days before because I knew it was going to be hard dropping you off for the first time.  We got ready that morning and you were doing great until Sesame Street came on (you knew that when S.S. was on we were going to be leaving). 

Then you started crying and telling me you didn't want to go and that you wanted to stay with me, because I was the best mommy.  Well, that just broke my heart.  I felt like holding you and saying, "Don't worry, baby, you never have to go, you can stay with mama, all you want."  I knew that I couldn't do that.  I was trying my hardest to hold back my tears, while encouraging you, letting you know everything was going to be fine and that school was going to be fun.  

Luckily, daddy came home and that helped a lot.  You got in the truck and were still crying, but you weren't upset or anything, just a little scared, because you didn't know what to expect.  We got there, looked around, you didn't want us to go.  Then I was sent off to talk to the school director so it would be easier because you weren't letting mommy go.  Daddy was the one to hand you over to the teacher.  She told you to say bye to daddy and you did, in the saddest little voice.

When I heard that, I walked out of the gate, my tears just came out.  Daddy said he felt like crying too, and daddy never cries!  It was just hard to drop you off and leave you.  I start to think, well, what if he needs water, or gets hungry or has to go to the bathroom or what if a kid hurts him, or whatever.  Stuff I know because I am with you everyday.  I know when something is bothering you or when you need anything, I am always there.  

Today was different.  You were happy to go, still a little nervous, but happy.  When I said I had to leave, I told you to play in the playground and you said, "I want to be with the teacher."  We found her, you hugged her and held her hand.  How sweet! You told me you would miss me.  I know you will be just fine and I can't wait to hear about all the fun stuff you will do.

I love you.

Mom